This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
