Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
