I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
