sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
