so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
