he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
