Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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