So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
