glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
