ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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