guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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