ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
