so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
