the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
