never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
