it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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