OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
