Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
