He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
