There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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