I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
