Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
