New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
