I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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