I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
