drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
