I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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