I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
