I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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