um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
