He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
