Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
