Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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