Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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