Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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