its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
