she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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