you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
