I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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