There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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