So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
