And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
