He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
