PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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