Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
