I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
