guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
