I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
