we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
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did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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