I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize