After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ladies don't puke and tell
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
