i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
