This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
