I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
