wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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