dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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