why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
