absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You ruined the universe
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
