Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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