Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize