This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
