if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize