Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
