There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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