Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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